A Sad Goodbye
by Ezika
Summary: Not related to my other fics. A C&M fanfic. Not as depressing as most of my other fics.
1. Default Chapter Title

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A Sad Goodbye

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I don't own these charcters or make a profit from them. This isn't related to my other fanfics, and takes place about three years in the future. Chandler and Monica got married and had a son Jake, but they are now divorced. He still lives in NYC, she lives with Jake in Boston. The divorce was about eight months ago. Monica has been dating another guy, but Chandler doesn't know. He isn't seeing anyone.

Part 1

Chandler Bing walked into his empty apartment at the end of yet another long day. He slammed the door, ignored the angry shout of the woman who lived next to him, and flopped down in the recliner in front of the TV. He flipped channels for a while, until he came to a kids program called The Tweenies. He supposed his son Jake might be watching this same show right now in Boston, so Chandler watched it too. 

It made him sad to remember how he and Jake used to watch TV together. Chandler couldn't believe they had only been gone for eight months. It seemed he had been living like this forever, but it also seemed like only yesterday that he had been holding them both in his arms and laughing, believing that it would never end.

But of course it had ended. His perfect marriage to his perfect woman had ended only three years after it had begun. It had all seemed like a dream to him, during the messy divorce and fierce custody battle. He had fought for custody of Jake, but only half-heartedly. He knew Jake belonged with his Mommy. No, Jake belonged with both of them, together. But even though the dream like quality had worn off, it still didn't seem really real. Nothing seemed real to him anymore.

The only things that were real to him were his son, his ex-wife, who he still adored, and his memories of the three of them together. God, he missed them.

The program finished, and Chandler had just turned the TV off when there was a knock on the door. He heaved himself out of his chair to answer it. Whoever it was sure was impatient. They had knocked three more times before Chandler got to the door. When he opened it, he was so surprised that he slammed it shut again, then cursed himself for being so stupid and opened it again.

It was Monica, and Jake was in her arms. 

"Oh my God!" was the only thing Chandler could think of to say. His eyes were wide in amazement. He wondered if he was seeing things, and decided he better make sure it really was her. "Monica?" he asked in a half whisper.

"Yeah, its me. Do you always slam the door in peoples faces, or is that just the way you greet your ex-wives?" she said, attempting a joke.

"No, just the people who break my heart," Chandler said. Monica flushed a little and looked uncomfortable, so Chandler turned his attention to his son. He hadn't seen Jake for at least six months, and it seemed so much longer. "Hey Jake! You remember me? I'm your Daddy!" he said to the little boy. Jake just buried his face in Monica's shoulder.

"Chandler its been so long, and he's just a little kid," Monica said, trying to make him feel better. Yeah, like even she could ever do that. His own son didn't recognise him any more. 

"Yeah, whatever. Did you just come here to prove that I'm a bad father, or was there some other reason?" he asked. He regretted it almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth. There was no need for him to be rude. After all, she was here wasn't she? And Jake was with her.

"Chandler, you are not a bad father. You're not," she insisted. 

"Okay, kids usually remember if their father was any good. He doesn't even recognise me," Chandler said bitterly.

"That's me fault," she admitted. Chandler was surprised, but didn't show it.

"Yeah," he agreed, "it is your fault."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to show you how sorry I am," she said pleadingly.

"Let him stay here with me in New York," Chandler demanded, knowing straight away that she would instantly refuse.

"Okay," she said. Chandler blinked in surprise and looked at her like she was from another planet.

"What?" 

"He can stay here. On two conditions."

"Name them."

"One, you let me spend an hour with him here first so he gets used to the apartment and to you."

"If I have to be in the same room as you for one hour to be with me son, then that's what I'll do."

"Two," Monica took a deep breath. Chandler noticed and wondered what was coming. "You give me Rachel's phone number so I can ask if I can stay with her for a week or two."

"What? Why do you need to stay at Rachel's?"

"I just do okay? Now you wanna let us in or what?" she said impatiently. Chandler hurriedly did as she said. He took Jake out of her arms as carefully as if he was made of pure gold. He felt Monica watching him, as if she was making sure he didn't do anything wrong.

"You wanna bring up the rest of his stuff?" Chandler asked.

"This is it," she said, gesturing to the sports bag at her feet.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Long story," Monica said tiredly. Chandler didn't press her for more information. Why should he care anyway? They were divorced for crying out loud!

"Okay, this sounds like a really shitty idea in my head, which means it probably sounds even worse out loud," Chandler began. He knew he was rambling, but he couldn't seem to stop.

"Cut the crap Chandler, what's your idea?" Monica asked with a sigh.

"Okay. How about you and Jake both stay here, at least for tonight. And then after he's asleep…"

"What?" she asked softly.

"You can tell me your long story." Monica looked away, as if that was not what she wanted or expected him to say. "I know, it sucks. Hang on a second, I'll dig out Rachel's number for you," Chandler said, already turning away. He felt her hand on his arm.

"It doesn't suck," she said quietly. "I'd love to stay here with you." 

"Well okay then!" Chandler said, brushing his hands together as if to get rid of the moment where he had almost allowed himself to think that maybe, just maybe, they might be able to get back together. But he knew that would never happen.

They went into the apartment together, with Chandler still holding Jake in his arms. They could almost convince themselves that nothing had changed, that they had never broken up, that they were still together. But neither of them really believed that, not really.

TO BE CONTINUED

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Okay, okay, please don't all ask "Where's the 'sad goodbye' bit?" because this is gonna be longer than I expected, so just be patient, okay. The 'sad goodbye' bit may not happen for a while. Part 2 of this, plus part twenty three of my fanfic series, coming soon. LOL, Ezika.


	2. Default Chapter Title

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A Sad Goodbye

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Okay, here's part two. I'm not gonna re-cap, so just read part one, 'kay? I don't own these charcters or make a profit from them.

Part 2

The next hour was the most fun Chandler had had since he and Monica got divorced. He was playing on the living room floor with his son, (who had quickly grown to like Chandler, partly due to the huge chocolate ice cream he had fixed for his son), and the woman he had loved (still loved) more than any other in the whole world, was sat in the arm chair, watching them with a faint smile on her lips. Chandler's only regret was that her smile was so faint. Even after everything that had happened between them, he wanted her to be happy, God only knew why, but he did.

After an hour, Jake started to get tired and cranky. And after he had thrown his toy cars around (at Chandler, at Monica, at the walls, onto the balcony, everywhere) Monica decided he should have a bath and go to bed. Jake made noisy obejections to this, but ten minutes later, he had forgotten that he had claimed he didn't ever want a bath again, and had taken to splashing his parents with water. Actually, splashing wasn't the word, soaking was more like it. 

Even though he was wet through, Chandler was still having fun. He played with the 'quacky ducks' with his son, and squirted him with a tiny water pistol. Jake had immediately grabbed this and started squirting his Mommy and Daddy, but all three of them had been laughing. 

When the water was cold, Monica helped Jake stand up, and Chandler wrapped a towel around both of them.

"Ooh! Ooh! Jake, where's Mommy?" he teased. Monica wriggled out of the towel and somehow managed to wrap it around Jake without even putting him down. 

"You know he'll never get to sleep," Monica reprimanded Chandler with a smile.

But she was wrong. As soon as Jake was dry, wearing his pajamas and tucked up in bed, he was asleep. Chandler had watched, but not joined in as Monica got Jake ready for bed. It was a whole ritual that was just between mother and son, and that didn't include him. But Chandler made sure he kissed Jake goodnight. Monica did the same, then they both went back into the livingroom, turning Jake's light off.

They both sat down and for a long moment, they just looked at each other. 

"So how about that long story of yours?" Chandler asked, not liking the uncomfortable silence between them. 

"Oh that," Monica said.

"Yeah, that. Come on, fess up, I wanna know," Chandler said with his most insnae grin ever. Monica couldn't help cracking up.

"Okay, okay. Right, after you and I broke up, I went to Boston. You already know that." Chandler nodded. "Well, I started dating this guy called Steve." She looked and Chandler and tried to read his expression, but couldn't. "There's not really much to tell, we went out for a while, and broke up yesterday." 

"I'm sorry," he said. He wasn't really, well, he was sorry she was upset, but not sorry that she had broken up with Steve. Steve didn't belong with Monica, he did, Chandler.

"Thanks, even though I know you don't mean it," she said.

"I do. Well, sort of," he shrugged.

"Thanks."

"Mon, why are you really here?"

"Would it sound too weird if I said I didn't know?" 

"A little, but I don't mind."

"Chandler, I know things have changed so much between us in the last eight months, but I have to say that I really do regret everything that's happened since we split up," Monica said sadly. Chandler was surprised. 

"You do?" he asked. Why would she regret it? She'd been in a new place, with a new guy, who he was sure was wonderful in every way, and who could probably give her so much more than he ever could.

"Yeah. I really don't know what I was doing in Boston. Its not home, New York is. And I don't belong with Steve, he's a great guy, but he's not who I'm meant to be with," Monica said, struggling to find the right words. She was so nervous of telling Chandler all of this. What would he say? What if he didn't want her anymore?

"So who do you belong with? Who is the one who you're gonna spend the rest of your life with?" Chandler asked. He was praying to every God that existed or didn't exist, that she would say him.

"You," she said, not looking at him. 

Chandler's prayers were answered! He grabbed Monica and hugged her so fiercely that when they broke apart a little, she was out of breath. Chandler looked at her for several long moments. He couldn't believe that life was so kind to him. He thought his life was over eight months ago when Monica left, and now here she was, back again, telling him he was the one she wanted to be with forever and ever. But something was wrong.

"Mon, why are you saying that?" Chandler asked. He hoped she wasn't just saying it because she was upset about breaking up with her boyfriend, but he had a feeling that she was.

"Because its right. Because I love you, and I always have," Monica answered quickly. She leaned forward slightly and kissed Chandler on the mouth. He pulled away. She looked at him in surprise, eyebrows raised, waiting for an explanation, one that Chandler didn't even have.

"Mon, I am so flattered that you came here, and that you said that, that you love me, and that I'm the one. But I think you're doing this for all the wrong reasons. I think you're doing this because you broke up with Steve and now you're scared you'll never find true love, never find the love that lasts forever, no matter what. That's why you came here. Because you know how crazy I was, and still am, about you, and you thought I'd believe this and say 'okay, lets get back together', because you're my best friend. But Mon, I can't say yes," Chandler said sadly. He couldn't look at Monica while he spoke, couldn't bear to see the hurt in her eyes.

"Why not?" she asked, tears running down her cheeks. She couldn't understand Chandler anymore. Of course, she had thought he might say no, but she had never really thought about how much it would hurt her if he did.

"Because what if I'm not the guy you're meant to be with? And you know, there's a good chance that I'm not. I mean, look at me, and look at you. Anyway, what if i'm not the guy, but we go ahead and get back together, and what if we eventually ended up getting married, then you found out that I wasn't the one? And what if you found the guy that is the one? And you felt you couldn't date him, because you had me. Mon, I love you too much to want to mess things up for you," Chandler said. It took a lot of courage for him to say that, and he hoped she'd appriciate it.

"Chandler, that's not going to happen, because you are the one I'm supposed to be with. We both know that. I love you," Monica said tearfully.

"If that's true, then why the hell did you break up with me? Why did you move to Boston without me. You took my son away from me, and even though I love you, even after all that's happened between us, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for that Monica," Chandler said. His voice was raised in anger, but he thought if he didn't get rid of her soon, he would just burst into tears.

"I don't know. Would you believe me if I said it was because I was afraid?"

"Of what? Me?" Chandler demanded harshly. Monica had to swallow hard to stop a fresh lot of tears when she heard him speaking to her like that, but she knew she deserved it.

"No, honey, not you. I would never be afraid of you, ever," she assured him, reaching out to touch his face. He pulled away before she even got close.

"Then what were you afraid of?" he asked in a gentler tone.

"I dunno." They started to lean closer together. Chandler thought maybe, just maybe, this was it, this was when they were going to make up. And he didn't really care whether it turned out to be a mistake or not, because right then, all he wanted was to hold her and kiss her and touch her. Monica held her breath. She desperately wanted to get back together with Chandler, and she hadn't been lying when she'd told him she didn't know why she'd gone to Boston. It wasn't as if they'd had a bad argument, or even a little one, she'd just felt like she had to go. But now, she felt like she wanted to be back in his arms.

They kissed, gently and slowly at first, then more deeply and passionately. Monica wondered why on earth she'd ever given this up, and Chandler wondered why he'd resisted getting it back. Still kissing her, Chandler tenderly scooped Monica into his arms. They went into Chandler's bedroom, which they had once shared, and would hopefully share again. As he laid Monica down gently on the bed, just before he climbed on top of her and started kissing her all over, Chandler whispered something to her.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered back.

THE END

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Okay, I know, still no 'sad goodbye' thing, but I promise, I'm getting there. Part three may take a while, coz I have exams real soon, but I'll try and have it done within the next couple of weeks. Also, check out my website for more of my writing that isn't at FanFiction.net the address is [_http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika_][1]_ and please sign my SlamBook if you go there. Thanks. J _

   [1]: http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika



	3. Default Chapter Title

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A Sad Goodbye (part 3)

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Okay guys, here it is part three. I don't think this is particularly good, but I had some comments from people who really liked it, so I'm continuing. Once again, I have to warn you, that there isn't actually a sad goodbye, but I promise this whole thing really is leading up to something (a sad goodbye), so please bear with me. Don't forget, I don't own these characters (except Jake).

Part 3

When Chandler first woke up the next morning, at first, he thought he was dreaming, because when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Monica, her arms wrapped around him, her face only inches away from his. Chandler kissed her cheek. Monica opened her eyes.

"Sorry honey, I didn't mean to wake you," he said quietly.

"Its okay, I was only half asleep anyway," she told him, smiling.

"I just wanted to make sure you were real," Chandler said, playing with a strand of her dark hair.

"Well I am."

"I know you are. But I was just afraid that last night might have been all just a wonderful dream, and when I woke up and saw you lying next to me, I thought maybe I was still dreaming," Chandler said ernestly. He kissed her softly on the lips. "I'm so glad its not a dream," he added.

"Me too," Monica agreed, climbing on top of Chandler's chest. She kissed him lightly. They rolled over so that Chandler was on top, but just when things were starting to heat up, they were interrupted by Jake calling for his Mommy.

"Geez, he wakes up early doesn't he?" Chandler comented, rolling off Monica.

"I know. I'd better go see what he wants," Monica said, getting up. Chandler grabbed her hand and pulled her back onto the bed.

"I'll go," he offered, "don't move," he told her, planting a quick kiss on her forhead. He got up, leaving Monica alone.

Wearing just his boxers [!], Chandler went into Jake's bedroom. Although Jake and Monica had left eight months ago, the room was still exactly as it had been when they left. It was still decorated with clowns and there were still a lot of Jake's old fluffy toys scattered around the room.

"What's up Jake?" Chandler asked, stiffling a yawn. He picked his son up.

"I have to go to the bathroom and I want my Mommy," Jake said cheerfully.

"Okay, how 'bout I take you to the bathroom, then we go and get Mommy?" Chandler suggested. Jake grinned at him and nodded.

"But Mommy first," he stipulated.

"Okay, okay," Chandler agreed. He carried Jake into the bedroom, where Monica was sat up in bed.

"He needs his Mommy and the bathroom," Chandler explained.

"Mommy!" Jake shouted happily, wriggling out of Chandler's arms and throwing himself onto Monica.

"Come on Jake," she said, picking him up. She took him into the bathroom, leaving Chandler alone in the bedroom. He stood around for a few minutes, not quite sure what to do with himself. He halfheartedly straightened the bedcovers, but figured Monica would change it when she came back anyway, so he started to unpack the stuff in Monica's bag.

As well as the clothes (all neatly folded, of course) there were some baby photos of Jake, including one in a gold frame. Chandler remembered when this picture had been taken. Ross had taken it on Jake's second birthday. Jake was in the middle, blowing out the candles on his birthday cake, and Chandler and Monica were on either side of him.

"Hey," Monica said quietly from the doorway.

"Hey. I was just looking at this picture," Chandler said, showing her. Monica walked over to him.

"It's a good picture isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah, good colour, good lighting, good pose, good qualtiy paper stuff," Chandler joked.

"Shut up! I meant it's a nice picture of us together," monica said. She took the picture out of Chandler's hands to study it more closely.

"Yeah, it is," Chandler agreed seriously.

"You missed Jake's third birthday. I'm sorry," Monica said softly.

"Me too. But I hope I'll be there on his fourth birthday, and all the birthdays after that," Chandler said. He put his arm around Monica's shoulders and pulled her closer to him.

"I hope so too," she said. She lifted her head and kissed him.

"Where's Jake? You think we can get Ross to babysit for a while?" Chandler asked, brushing her hair away from her neck so he could kiss it.

"He's in the living room, watching cartoons. And yeah, I think Ross'd babysit. If he knew I was in the city," Monica said evasively.

"He doesn't know you're here?" Chandler asked, "Why not?"

"Because he'd tell Mom and Dad, they'd come here and start telling me how stupid I was to go to Boston," monica explained angrily.

"I'm sure they'd just be gald you're back," Chandler said comfortingly, stroking her hair.

"You don't know them like I do," Monica argued.

"No, but you're their daughter, I'm sure they'll just be pleased to see you."

"Whatever," Monica said huffily.

"Look, honey, we don't have to see them if you don't want to. You could ask Ross not to tell them. Or you could just get another babysitter. I'm sorry honey, I just thought you'd want to see your brother," Chandler said.

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry," Monica said. "I just don't want to complicate everything by getting my parents invloved."

"I'm sorry honey. I just thought maybe if we got Ross to babysit, maybe we could spend some time alone. I mean, I love Jake, and I missed him so much but I love you and I missed him so much, but I love you, and I missed you a whole lot too," Chandler said. He kissed Monica gently on the mouth.

"I missed you too. Even when I was with Steve, I missed you. He couldn't make me laugh the way you do," Monica said softly. She kissed him gently. He held her face in his hands and kissed her again. They could have gone further if Jake hadn't chosen just that moment to run back into their bedroom.

"Mommy! Daddy!" he shouted, hurling himself at them. Chandler caught him and swung him around.

"He called me Daddy!" Chanlder exclaimed with a huge grin on his face. Monica beamed back at him.

"Com eon Jake, lets go get you dressed, then we can go get breakfast at a place called Central Perk," Monica said. Jake clapped his hands together eagerly and grinned.

"Like the park," he informed them proudly.

"That's right honey, like the park," Chandler agreed, still smiling.

"I want ice cream for breakfast!" Jake announced. Chandler's grin widened even more.

"That's my boy!" he said, winking. Chandler lifted Jake onto his shoulders, ready to take him back into his bedroom to get dressed. "Oh, do you want Mommy to come too?" he asked, seeing the slightly hurt look on Monica's face. She liked watching Chandler and Jake together, but she didn't like feeling left out.

"No! I don't like Mommy!" Jake shouted angrily. Then he was all smiled again. "Bye bye Mommy!" he sang out cheerfully.

"Bye bye honey," Monica said, waving. Jake waved back so enthusiastically that he almost knocked Chandler out.

"Bye Mon, we won't be long," Chandler said. He took Jake back over to Monica so he could kiss her. Jake reached over and gave her a wet kiss on the cheek, while Chandler kissed her tenderly on the mouth. Monica returned both kisses, then practically pushed them out of the door.

When they had gone, she went and lay back onto the bed. She felt so comfortable and relaxed here, even though she hadn't been here for months. This was where she belonged, here, with Chandler and Jake. Not in Boston with some guy she'd met on the subway in Boston. She suddenly had absolutely no idea why she had even gone to Boston in the first place. She loved Chandler. She always had, even before they got together in London. And she'd never stopped loving him. She probably never would.

Ten minutes later, Chandler and Jake came back into Chandler's bedroom. Jake was dressed, but his t-shirt was on back to front and his hair was unbrushed.

"Hey," Chandler gretted her. He crossed the room and kissed Moncia on the top of her head. "What you said before, about Ross," Chandler began, handing Jake to Monica.

"Chandler, I don't want to have this conversation again," Monica said stiffly.

"No, I was just gonna ask if we could aske Phoebe to babysit," Chandler jumped in before Moncia started having a go at him.

"Are you sure you'd trust Phoebe with Jake?" Monica asked warily as she turned Jake's t-shirt the right way around.

"Yeah, I mean she's got nieces and nephews," Chandler said.

"Well, if you're sure," Monica shrugged. She brushed the tangles out of Jake's hair with her fingers.

"Oh yay! Come on, I'll take him to Phoebe's apartment, you go get dressed," Chandler commanded, taking Jake out of Monica's arms.

"Bye bye darling," Monica said, kissing Jake's cheek.

"Bye Mommy," Jake called happily.

"See you in a bit," Chandler said as he and Jake left.

* * *

When Phoebe opened the door of her apartment and found Chandler standing on the doorstep her first thought was that some girl had messed with his head again.

"Aww, sweetie," she began. Then she saw Jake. She didn't recognise him as Chandler and Monica's son, because she hadn't seen him for so long. "Oh my God! Its worse than I thought! She dumped you and left you to look after her kid!" Phoebe exclaimed with less sympathy than she had intended.

"No, no Phoebe, this is Jake, remember? My son?" Chandler reminded her. Phoebe nodded.

"Well duh," she said, as if Chandler had been the one who had forgotten. Chandler ignored it.

"Listen, me and Monica wanted to spend some time alone together, and we were wondering if you'd mind babysitting Jake for a while," Chandler said.

"Sure! The triplets are here, he can play with them," Phoebe said.

"Great, thanks. Bye Phoebs, bye Jake, have fun with auntie Phoebe," Chandler said brightly. 

"Bye Daddy!" Jake shouted.

"Bye Daddy!" Phoebe mimicked. Chandler watched Phoebe take Jake inside, then he left. He couldn't help smiling when he thought that Phoebe was probably already on the phone to Rachel or Ross or Joey, telling them that Monica and Jake were back, and that Chandler and Monica wanted to be alone together. Chandler knew Monica didn't want the others to know, but he had convienently 'forgotten' to tell Phoebe that.

When Chandler went back to the apartment, Moncia was in the bathroom. Chandler went into the bedroom and brushed his hair while he waited for her.

"Monica!" he called, sticking his head into the main part of the apartment.

"Just a minute!" she answered from the bathroom.

"'kay!" Chandler replied. He went back into the bedroom and grinned as he turned the bedcover around so that it was facing the wrong way. He had just finished when Monica came back into the bedroom. When Chandler saw her, he couldn't help smiling, even though her black pedal pushers and wine coloured vest top were nothing exceptional.

"Wow," Chandler murmered. Monica smiled and blushed.

"Thanks. I don't know why you're so impressed though," Moncia said modestly.

"I haven't seen you for eight months," Chandler reminded her, "you know that old saying, 'absense makes the heart grow fonder' and all that. Well, I don't know how true that is, but it sure makes you even more beautiful," Chandler said.

"You're going soft in your old age," she laughed.

"Fine, I'll shut up, but I'm just trying to be truthful. I really missed you," Chandler said, taking her hands in his.

"I missed you too," Monica said. She leaned up and kissed him lightly. "So where are you taking me?" 

"You'll find out," Chandler said mysteriously. "But you have to wear this," he said, handing her a scarf. 

"A scarf? Why?"

"Not a scarf, a blindfold," Chandler corrected, tying it so that it covered her eyes.

"Chandler what are you doing?" Monica demanded, reaching up to push the scarf away.

"Do you trust me or not?" Chandler teased, presing her hands to her sides.

"Of course I trust you, but I want to know whats going on," Moncia said.

"You'll find out. You just have to trust me. If you can't do that, you might as well go back to Boston," Chandler said, well aware of the huge risk he was taking.

"I trust you," Moncia said simply. She didn't even have to think about it. Of course she trusted him. She would have trusted him with her life.

"Well, come on then," Chandler said, taking her hands to guide her out of the apartment.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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Like it? Feedback as usual to [_ezika2000@hotmail.com_][1]_ or visit my website: _[_http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika_][2]_ thanks. LOL, Ezika._

   [1]: mailto:ezika2000@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika



	4. Default Chapter Title

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A Sad Goodbye (part 4)

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Here's part four. Read the other three if you want to know what's going on. Remember that I don't own any of these characters except Steve and Jake.

Part 4

When Chandler let Monica open her eyes again, she had to open and close them again, because she didn't believe what she was seeing.

"London baby!" Chandler teased.

"London," Monica whispered.

"Yeah, the place where it all began," Chandler said, kissing her.

"Where what began?" Monica asked, even though she knew exactly what Chandler was talking about.

"You know what. Us. But, after all, London's a pretty big place, not as big as New York, but still pretty big."

"Get on with it."

"Well, because London is a big place, I booked us into the hotel where we stayed the last time we were here. Exactly five years ago today," Chandler reminded her.

"Five years? Exactly five years today?" Monica asked, still in shock from everything that had happened. Of course it was exactly five years ago. Once he had reminded her she wondered how she could have ever forgotten.

"Um hm," Chandler whispered. He kissed her softly on the mouth.

"Its all so wonderful. I can't believe it!" Monica gasped.

"Well, my bank account can't either," Chandler said, only half joking.

"Oh God! I'm sorry! You have to let me help you pay for all of this!" Moncia said, as usual, talk of everyday things, like money, brought her back to reality.

"No, honey, I was joking. My mom paid for it all, so long as I agreed to give her all the juicy details for her to use in her next book," Chandler said, with a serious look on his face.

"Eww! Chandler!" Monica exclaimed in disgust. Then she realised he was joking. "Oh ha ha ha," she said sarcastically. Chandler laughed.

"Sorry Mon, but the look on your face was just priceless!" Chandler said, still laughing. Monica pretended to punch him in the stomach. "I'll shut up then," he said, pretending to be hurt. He was actually just happy that they were joking around again, the way they used to before Monica left for Boston.

"Good," she said, laughing.

"And guess what hotel room we're staying in," Chandler teased her.

"Oh my God! You got the same room as well?"

"Uh huh, and all I had to do was tip the receptionist fifty bucks."

"You're kidding?"

"Yep. It was actually a hundred," he admitted.

"Chandler!" 

"Sorry, but I just wanted everything to be perfect," Chandler said. He took her hands and kissed her forehead.

"Chandler, so long as I was with you, a pig sty would be perfect," Moncia said, playing with his hands, turning them over in hers, as if she was examining them closely.

"Wow! And I know you hate mud, and muck and anything that's not as clean as a operating theatre," Chandler said, understanding how much her sentence meant.

"Yeah, well, I love you. Anywhere would be perfect if you were there too."

"But I bet you'd prefer a hotel room to a pig sty?" Chandler joked.

"Oh yeah. So, you wanna go find that room?"

"Sure."

* * * 

That night they fell asleep in each others arms. Chandler found that, unlike Janice, when he was with Monica, he didn't need his space, and was actually happier with Monica close to him when he fell asleep.

But although Chandler was asleep, and thought she was too, Monica was wide awake. And even as she lay there, with Chandler's arms around her, she couldn't help wondering if this whoel thing was just a huge mistake. She knew how much trouble Chandler had gone through to make this weekend perfect, London, the hotel, even the same room. But she wasn't sure if it was a good idea. After all, until a few days ago, they hadn't seen each other for eight months. And she'd never told him why she had gone to Boston in the first place.

The truth was, she hadn't known how to tell him. She still didn't. And she couldn't stay with him, here in London, or in New York, unless she tol dhim. And she didn't think she could.

She had to go back to Boston. She hated to do that to Chandler, but she couldn't think of an easier way to do it. She kissed Chandler tenderly, then slid out of his arms and off the bed. She dressed quickly and brushed her hair. Chandler had just sprung the trip on her at the last minute, so she didn't have any luggage. She was about to leave, and got as far as the dorrway, when she realised that she oculdn't do it like this. She had to say goodbye, even if he was asleep. She tiptoed back to the bed.

"Goodbye Chandler," she whispered, dropped a kiss onto his slightly parted lips and brushed a strand of hair away from his face.

Then she left.

* * * 

When Chandler woke up the next morning, he was surprised to find Monica gone. At first he thought maybe she had just gone to the bathroom or something. But when, after twenty minutes, she still wasn't back, Chandler realised that she had gone further than the bathroom.

"Monica?" he called, desperately hoping that she would answer and come back to him, that he would be able to hold her again. But somehow, he sensed that she wouldn't. And she didn't. Chandler flopped back onto the bed, dispairingly. He couldn't believe she had gone. Why? Why? Why? The question went round and round in his head, unanswered. Why had she left him? When was she planning on coming back? Chandler refused to accept the possibility that she might not come back at all. She had to. He needed her.

* * *

While Chandler discovered that she was gone, Monica was on a plane back to New York. From there she was going back home (was it really home?) to Boston. And as Chandler cried, so did she. Neither of them was happy about their break up, and both wished it didn't have to be so hard.

When Monica arrived back in New York, she went to Chandler's apartment to get her stuff. Then she went to Phoebe's apartment to pick up Jake.

"Chandler said a little while, I didn't think he meant this long!" was Phoebe's greeting.

"Sorry Phoebs. I didn't know what he was planning," Monica apologised.

"What was he planning?" Phoebe asked curiously.

"I really don't feel like talking about it," Monica said tiredly.

"Yeah, okay. Jake missed you."

"Oh God! I forgot he wouldn't have had any idea what was going on! Can I see him?"

"Sure! I'm not going to keep him forever!" Phoebe exclaimed. Moncia forced a smile. Phoebe didn't seem to notice that her smile wasn't genuine. "I'll take you through."

As soon as Jake saw Monica, he flung himself at her. She caught him and hugged him tightly.

"Where were you Mommy?" Jake demanded.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't know I was going to be gone so long. Daddy surprised me."

"Daddy? You mean Chandler?" Phoebe asked with a sly smile.

"Yes. Come on Jake, we're going home," Monica said. She didn't want to talk about Chandler.

"Chandler's apartment?" Phoebe asked.

"No, Boston," Monica said. She started to leave. "Thanks for babysitting Phoebs."

"What? You're going back to Boston? Why? Did you and Chandler have a fight?" Phoebe grabbed Monica's arm and pulled her back.

"no, I just, I don't know. I just have to go," Monica said, pulling her arm free. She marched out of the house, carrying Jake. Phoebe stared after them in confusion.

* * *

Four hours later, Monica and Jake got back to their Boston apartment. Jake was half asleep in his mothers arms. Monica wished she had someone to carry her too, because she was practically falling asleep herself. Monica couldn't get to her purse to get out her keys, so she knocked on the door. A tall guy answered it.

"Mon!" he exclaimed when he saw her. "Hey! How was NYC? Hey Jake! God, you guys look dead on your feet," he was talking fast in his excitement at seeing them again. He hugged Monica, who sank into his arms. He took Jake from her. "I'll go put him to bed."

"Thanks Steve," Monica said wearily.

"No problem. Go sit down. There's coffee on the counter, I just made it. Its not as good as yours of course, but you look like you could use it," Steve said. He kissed Monica's cheek, then took Jake into his bedroom.

Monica went into the apartment. She couldn't help wishing she was walking into Chandler's apartment in New York instead of Steve's in Boston. She collapsed onto the couch and lay down. She put her hands over her face and curled up, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Jake's fast asleep. I didn't bother to get him changed," Steve said, coming back into the living room. He noticed monica curled up on the couch. "Mon, are you okay?" he said. Steve went over to her and touched her shoulder. She flinched away from his touch.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled.

"No, you're not. Come on Mon, tell me whats wrong." He pulled her into a sitting position and sat down next to her on the couch.

"I'm fine," Monica said, turning away from him.

"You're crying. Last time I checked, that means you're not fine," Steve said. He rubbed her back and leant closer to her.

"I'm just tired," Monica insisted, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Mon, what happened in New York?" Steve asked. Before she could answer, they were interrupted by the sound of crying.

"Saved by the baby," Monica joked weakly.

"I'll get her, you stay here," Steve offered.

"Its okay," Monica said, getting up. She just wanted to get away from Steve and his brown eyes that saw more than she wanted him to of how she was feeling. She also wanted to hold her daughter, Chandler's daughter, and try and pretend it was Chandler waiting for her in the living room. The thing was, she knew that if he knew he had a daughter, he would be there in a second. But he didn't know. He might never know.

Monica went into the baby's room. It was pale pink with a darker pink ceiling and carpet. A cot was in the middle of the room. A six week old little girl lay in the cot, screaming and kicking her chubby little legs. Monica picked her up. 

"Hey Vicky. What's the matter?" Monica said quietly. She rocked the baby, Victoria, in her arms. "Its okay honey, Mommy's here. Mommy's here. Did you miss me? I sure missed you. Shh, don't cry sweetheart, Mommy's here." As Monica rocked her, Vicky quietened down. Monica didn't want to let go of her just yet, so she sat down in the rocking chair in the corner and rocked gently.

After a while, Monica fell asleep with Vicky in her arms. Steve came in to check on them, but they looked so peaceful that he didn't want to disturb them, so he kissed them both on the cheek then left them to sleep as he went into the room he and Monica had shared for the past seven months.

* * *

Back in New York, Chandler was lying in bed, but he wasn't asleep, he had never felt more wide awake in his life. He was staring up at the ceiling, thinking. He kept swapping between wishing Monica had never come back to New York at all, the other half of him wished she had never left. He wanted Jake in the room next to his, and he wanted Monica in bed beside him. He wanted to hold her in his arms and never let her go.

Chandler cursed himself for letting Monica go. He should have known that the London trip would freak her out. He found it ironic that it was Monica who had freaked out at the prospect of more commitment. A few years ago, it would have been him freaking out, but not anymore.

* * *

If Chandler had known that Monica was in Boston, not only with Jake, but with Steve and Vicky as well, then he might not have been so keen to have her back. But if he knew that Monica was only with Steve because as far as she could see, she had no alternative, and that Vicky was his child, not Steve's, and that everytime Monica was with Steve, she imagined she was with Chandler, he might have jumped on the next plane to Boston. But he didn't know any of that, so he was stuck lying in bed in New York, wide awake, wishing Monica was with him.

And in Boston, she was wishing she was with him too.

__

Okay, that's part 4 done. I'm really sorry it took so long, but hopefully part 5 will be with you soon. As usual, I really appriciate feedback, good or bad, at [_ezika2000@hotmail.com_][1]_ and you can read more of my writing at _[_http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika_][2]_ thanks. LOL, Ezika._

   [1]: mailto:ezika2000@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika



	5. Default Chapter Title

****

A Sad Goodbye (part 5)

__

Hey guys! Welcome to part 5. This will be the final part, I promise! I don't own these characters, except Steve, Jake and Vicky. The rest belong to Warner Bros. Or someone. Anyway, here goes:

Steve hadn't expected Monica to have been so upset by her trip to New York. But when she was still upset after a week, he was beginning to wonder what the hell had happened. She hadn't told him anything, in fact, she'd hardly spoken to him at all since she got back. All she did was mope about in the kids rooms. If steve went near them, Monica snapped at him. He guessed he could kinda understand that. After all, they were her kids, not his. But according to Monica, Vicky's dad didn't even know he had a daughter.

It was eleven o'clock at night. Steve was watching TV in bed, waiting for Monica to come in. she was in Jake's room, watching him sleep. She did that a lot lately, he had noticed.

At a quarter past midnight, he switched the TV off and got ready for bed, expecting Monica to join him at any moment. By half one, Monica still hadn't come to bed. Steve got up to go see where she was. He opened the door to Jake's bedroom. Monica was sat on the floor by Jake's bed, with her legs tucked under her. Her head was resting on her arms on the edge of the bed.

"Mon, honey, what are you still doing here?" Steve asked. He touched her shoulders lightly. She raised her head.

"I don't want to leave him," she said.

"Why? Mon, what happened in New York? Who did you see there? Why are you suddenly so different?" Steve demanded angrily.

"I'm not different," Monica insisted.

"Yeah, you are. Ever since you came back, you've been acting really different. You spend all your time sitting in Jake and Vicky's rooms. You never talk to me. Mon, what the hell happened in New York? Why won't you leave the kids alone?" Steve demanded. He didn't realise he was shouting in her face until he was through. And by then, Monica was in tears. "Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mena to upset you, but I'm worried about you," Steve said, making an effort to lower his voice.

"Well, you don't need to worry much longer," Monica snapped, wi[ping away her tears. Her sadness at leaving Chandler replaced by her anger at Steve for demanding answers she wasn't prepared to give him.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked suspiciously. He knelt on the floor next to Monica and put his arm around her. She pulled away. Then she got up and went into the living room, as if she wanted to escape from Steve. But she couldn't. he followed her.

"I'm leaving," she said in a dull, lifeless voice. "I'm taking Jake and Vicky back to New York."

"Why Mon? I can tell you're mad at me, but I have no idea why. But you don't have to go all the way to New York just because you're mad at me," Steve said. Monica got the impression he thought she was being silly. He followed Monica ionto their bedroom, where she started throwing her clothes into a bag.

"Don't be so bloody self-centred. I'm not leaving because of you. I'm leaving because of Chandler," Monica snapped. Then she bit her lip, she had never actually told Steve about Chandler.

"Who's Chandler?" he demanded. When she didn't answer, he grabbed her arms and turned her round to face him. "Who is he? Is he Jake's father? Vicky's father? Your New York toyboy? Who the hell is her?"

"He's my best friend," Monica said quietly. "He's my boyfriend, the father of my kids. And he adores me and I adore him. And I just left him without a word of explanation," Monica said, starting to cry. She shook Steve's hands off her arms and turned away from him.

"Do you love him?" Steve asked. Monica sisn't answer. "Mon, do you love him?" he repeated. Monica turned back to face him. She nodded.

"Yes," she confessed. "I love him more than anyhting else in the world." 

"Well you go get him then," Steve said. He had realised how much this Chandler guy meant to her, he had seen the love in her eyes when she talked about him, even for a few seconds. She truly loved this bastard. And she would never love Steve in the same way. "Don't let me stop you. But please, wait until morning. There's no sense in running off in the middle of the night like tthis," Steve said sadly. 

"I can't. Steve, I was horrible to him. He took me to London for our Anniversary, the same hotel and everything." Steve didn't understand what she meant, but he didn't interrupt. "And I just left him there, not even telling him where I was going. I didn't even say goodbye. Steve, I love him so much, but he doesn't love me, not anymore. He **can't! **not after the way I treated him," Monica sobbed. Steve pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

"Mon, from the little you've told me about this guy, you'll never, ever stop loving you. And I bet he feels the same way," Steve assured her.

"You don't even know him," she wailed. Steve stroked her hair.

"No, but I really think you should give it a try. I mean, you were with him for like, three days, after an eight month separation and he took you to London. To me, it seems like whatever you do, he'll still love you, worship you. So why the hell are you here, crying? Mon, stay here, go to sleep, start packing in the morning, then get a plane to New York with Jake and Vicky and go get him," Steve said, trying to keep the sorrow out of his voice.

"Thank you," Monica whispered. "For everything." She reached up and kissed his cheek.

"no problem," he replie, but they both knew he was just putting on a brave face. "Chandler's a lucky guy," he said, forcing a smile.

"I'm sorry Steve, I know this is really unfair on you," she said.

"Yeah, well, I'd never forgive myself if I got in the way of true love," Steve shrugged. Monica smiled and hugged him.

* * * 

In New York, Chandler had spent all day searching for Monica. He had looked everywhere he thought she might be. But he hadn't found her. After an umbelievably long day, he had finally admitted what he had know all along but hadn't wanted to believe, Monica had gone back to Boston. What he couldn't figure out was **why.** Why had she just left without a word like that? Why had she come back to New York if she was going to leave again a few days later?

He now sat alone in the empty apartment. For some reason, it seemed even emptier than it had before Monica and Jake had visisted. Chandler had already been through this once, this lonely feeling of losing the only people in the world who he cared about. He didn't think he could do it again.

Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey came in without knocking. Chandler hardly noticed. Their voices and laughter seemed distant and unimportant.

"Chandler!" Joey said, right in Chandler's ear, making him jump. "Dude, what's the matter with you?" Joey asked. He looked worried and concerned for his friend, but all at once, for no reason whatsoever, Chandler wanted to laugh. All the sympathy and concern in the world couldn't make him miss Monica any less. Chandler looked at Phoebe.

"You didn't tell them?" he asked wearily.

"I sensed that you guys didn't want me to," Phoebe said.

"Chandler, what's going on?" Ross asked.

"Monica's back," Phoebe answered for him. The others brightened.

"Why didn't she tell me?" Ross asked, "I am her brother after all."

"Well, I'm her best friend," Rachel argued.

"Where is she?" Joey asked excitedly. No doubt antcipating all the food Monica would make him, Chandler thought.

"Guys, she's not here," Chandler said.

"Well where is she then?" Ross asked.

"She went back to Boston," Chandler said. He thought he might be about to cry, but he knew Ross and Joey would never let him hear the end of it if he did.

"Why?" Rachel asked, confused. "Why would she come back, not tell anyone she was here, then leave again?" 

"I have no idea," Chandler confessed. "She didn't even say goodbye. She just left."

"That's not like her," Ross said.

"I know. Which is why I'm so worried. Why didn't she even leave a note? Why did she leave in the first place? She knows how much I love her," Chandler said. He finally gave in to the tears that had been pricking the backs of his eyes all day, and broke down in a crying heap.

Rachel and Phoebe rushed to his side and put their arms around him. Ross and Joey just stood there, feeling utterly useless. They had never seen Chandler break down like this before.

"Its okay Chandler. Its okay to cry," Rachel said soothingly.

"I need her Rach. I need her," Chandler said tearfully.

"I know you do sweetie," Phoebe said softly.

"Why? She knows I can't live without her. Why did she leave me like this?," Chandler demanded. His friends were silent. They didn't know what to say. Nothing they said could ease the pain Chandler felt now.

* * *

It was mid afternoon the next day. Chandler hadn't slept all night. He hadn't even gone into either of the bedrooms. Even though Monica and Jake had only been there a few days, they had managed to re-evolk all his memories of them. Chandler was wearing grey sweat pants and a worn grey sweatshirt. His hair was a mess, his face pale, eyes dull with dark circles underneath them.

The door opened. Chandler didn't bother looking over his should to see who it was. It was probably just Joey wanting lunch. Chandler had given up on hoping Monica would ever come back.

He heard footsteps. Either Joey had just started wearing high heels, or his visitor was a woman, either Rachel or Phoebe, he supposed.

A hand touched his shoulder. Chandler had to make a concious effort not to flinch. Another hand ran through his hair, trying to smooth out two days of worry. Chandler figured it must be Rachel. Phoebe would have been pluckign at his aura, not his hair.

"Leave it Rach," he said, swatting her hand away. Obediently, Rachel withdrew her hands. 

A few seconds later, he felt her gently kiss his neck. Why the hell was Rachel kissing his neck? The concept that it wasn't Rachel didn't even occur to him. The woman moved her light, butterfly kisses up his neck, along his jaw and onto his cheek. She put her index finger under his chin and turning his face to her. Before he had time to think, he felt her soft lips gentle kiss his. Chandler pulled away slightly, far enough to see that it was Monica. He blinked several times, not quite believing his eyes.

"m…m…mon?" he stuttered. She smield and nodded.

"Yeah," she said. She looked slightly nervous, as if she was afraid Chandler would reject her. "Chandler, honey, I don't know if you still want me back, I wouldn't blame you if you said you never wanted to see me ever again, but I would really, really like to be with you again.i know it was awful of me to treat you the way I did, I was horrible to you. But you have to know something, well, two things really," Monica said. She was talking very fast, as if she thought he would try to interrupt her, but he didn't. he wanted to hear her out.

"What?" he asked warily, "is it Jake? Steve? What?"

"No Chandler. I think you should know why I left you. Just wait here a second," Monica said mysteriously. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek (afraid that would be the last kiss she ever got to give him), which he didn't try and stop, then went outside. For a moment Chandler was terrified she wouldn't come back. But she did. And she was holding Jake's hand and pushing a pram. The pram had a little baby girl in it. Chandler gasped.

"You were cheating on me? And you were pregnant? That's why you left?" Chandler asked, amazed at the discovery that Monica had another child, that Jake had a half sister.

"No, yes and yes," she said with a nervous smile.

"huh?"

"I wasn't cheating on you, you know I'd never do that. But I was pregnant, and that is the reason I left New York," Monica explained. She held her breath.

"My daughter? She's my baby?" Chandler asked in shock. Monica nodded. She left the stroller and gently touched his cheek. 

"is that okay?" she asked worriedly. Chandler could have laughed at her apprehension if she hadn't have looked so genuinely scared. Instead he impulsively pulled her into his lap and kissed her hard.

"Its perfect," he said, his eyes alive with happiness. He helped Monica to her feet, then went over to the pram. He looked at the baby in awe. "What's her name?" he asked quietly.

"Victoria Sarah Bing. Vicky, " she told him.

"She's gorgeous, "Chandle breathed. "Can I touch her? Hold her?"

"Of course," Monica said with an amused smile.

Chandle picked Vicky up as carefully as if she was made of pure crystal. He felt Jake press his small hand into his father's much bigger one and squeezed it. Then he let go of Jake's hand just long enough to put his arm around Monica. She picked up Jake and Chandler pulled them both closer. He felt so lcuky holding his whole family in his arms. It occurred to him that this was the first time. But that didn't matter now. He was holding them now, and he was never, ever going to let them go, ever again. 

Monica was crying. Chandler's shirt had damp patches on the front from her tears.

"What's the matter?" he asked, concerned.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," she assured him. Chandler kissed her passionately. Jake pulled a face and laughed, but even that couldn't ruin the moment. They were finally all back together again.

THE END

Like it? I hope so. Please give me feedback at [ezika2000@hotmail.com][1] or visit my website at [http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika][2] Thanks. LOL, Ezika.

   [1]: mailto:ezika2000@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika



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